


Auta i lómë

by RomanticNoldo



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Nirnaeth Arnoediad, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:09:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23875969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RomanticNoldo/pseuds/RomanticNoldo
Summary: The Fifth Battle is approaching, and even the Noldóran is unable to ignore his feelings.
Kudos: 2





	Auta i lómë

When Findekáno [1] looks at the sky, he finds it darker than he ever thought possible. Almost as much as the sudden darkness that fell on Valinor to mark their damnation, as the nights of frost and death in the Helcaraxë.

Perhaps what is waiting for him will be even worse.

Maybe this is the battle that will kill him. Or that will destroy what little remains of its family. Perhaps this will be their definitive defeat, the great triumph of the shadow.

Russandol [2] is coming. It will be by his side. He will fight too...

He, too, could become one of those who will not survive the battle.

He doesn't want to lose him. Not again, after managing to save him. Or at least he believes he succeeded, then. Sometimes he feels that Russandol's spirit has remained in the darkness of Angamando [3].

He has already seen him suffering, imploring death to reach him. He has heard him scream in his nightmares. He could not bear to see him disappear forever.

_Angmando's darkness is even more frightening than he could have believed, and for a moment his own spirit trembles. But Findekáno chases away that moment of uncertainty, almost with anger. He must not stop._

_He is there. He knows, and the thought alone of leaving him trapped all that time makes him feel like a murderer. But now it can fix it. He can save him. He must._

_For too long Russandol has been lost in the dark. Now it his task is to bring him to light. To life._

_He keeps playing, immersed in the dark, and he sings, hoping that Russandol will understand that he is now there to save him._

_It takes only a few seconds, before the song is resumed by another voice, weak and broken, a request for help hidden in each note. His heart seems to explode._

_He found him._

_For years he has not had the courage to get there, despite the memories always ready to haunt him, almost driving him to madness, the thought of his suffering each time destroying his soul in a slow and constant torture. But now he can set him free again, and ask him for forgiveness._

_But when he sees him, he feels every force suddenly flow from his body. He knew what he was going to see, but he would never have imagined so much horror._

_It is not the sight of the strong and proud body that he touched so many times turned into a shattered and bleeding shell to make him falter. It's his words._

_"Kill me."_

He could never survive if he heard those words coming from his mouth again.

And he would die if Turukáno also fell [4]. His brother, the only person in his family still by his side, after Nolofinwë [5] gave his life to defeat the Enemy - after he abandoned them.

_The crown of the High King is too heavy. Findekáno inhales sharply, unable to feel at ease. He is not the one who should wear it._

_"I never wanted any of this." he whispers, looking away from Turukáno's comforting eyes._

_His father should be the one wearing that crown._

_But he is dead._

_So little time has passed, too little to get used to the loss._

_Arakáno [6] was the first to die. Then Irissë [7] left them. And now this..._

_His brother remains beside him, silent. "I know." he merely replies._

_He was the one who buried their father's body, and he remembers the painful feeling of emptiness as he saw their last pillar fall. He can still feel it inside himself, and his brother's eyes._

_Findekáno just wants to hate his father. He chose to fight a battle he knew he couldn't win. He left him alone. Alone with his fear._

_Afraid that the ones that are left may die like it happened to him._

_He just wishes he could prevent it._

_He has to protect them._

_He could still save his son, send him to a safe place._

_But for Turukáno he can do nothing, if not pray to Námo not to punish him too._

His father is dead.

Maybe he will meet him soon. Maybe this battle will just be a useless massacre.

But it is too late to go back, and the distant sound of the trumpet confirms it. But that sound is triumphant. A cry of hope.

_Turukáno!_

He is coming.

Maybe they can win now that they're together.

The night is about to end.

" _Utúlie'n aurë! Aiya Eldalië ar Atanatári, utúlie'n aurë!_ "

**Author's Note:**

> The title and the last sentence come from the Silmarillion itself.  
> As for quenya names:  
> [1]: Fingon  
> [2]: Maedhros  
> [3]: Angband  
> [4]: Turgon  
> [5]: Fingolfin  
> [6]: Argon  
> [7]: Aredhel


End file.
